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Monday, September 26, 2011

Step One

The first thing you need when you decide to make any life-altering change is a plan. So, in the words of the person who got me started down this path, "What do you want to change?"

In the past, I've tried making changes that almost always failed. I would start a new fitness regime, only to run out of steam when stress piled up in my life. I would try to change my thought patterns, only to fall off track when I would feel too tired or agitated to focus on change. As for the spiritual side of things, let's just say that God, Allah, Susan - whatever name you want - probably has a back room betting operation on how long it takes for me to go off course again.

Oh, I have plenty of faith. I have plenty of brains and plenty of brawn, too. But I never seem to be able to get all three working at the same time.

Back, then, to the question at hand - what do I want to change? Well, first would have to be my job. I just went back to work, yesterday, after eight weeks of leave, only to find the place as depressing as ever. The job used to be fun, and everyone (ok, almost everyone) walked out laughing and smiling at the end of the day. Now, the fetid piss-stench of soured hope and decaying dreams fills the building.

And as bad as that sounds, I have to confess that complacency has kept me in place. I love the perks of my job, especially the discounts on services like my cell, and I can do the job half-comatose on migraine meds. I can't even say that last part about raising my son.

In conjuction with a job change, there has to be a change in diet and exercise. If I take a position, or secure the loan for my own company, it's going to require more energy than my current point-and-click position. And my son would like a mom with more pep, too.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Your (Not Really) Daily Dose

This is an old comic from Penny Arcade, and the sad part is that in four years, most of my tech support calls are from people like this. Actually, I think my brain may have snuck out like Tycho's, now that I try to think about it.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

First post

The last few weeks I've been examining my life in a roundabout way for several courses I'm taking. I wasn't thrilled with what I saw, but on the other hand I've not killed anyone and at least my family likes me, so it could be worse! ^.^

In all seriousness though, my husband just took a 50% pay cut, I'm working a job I hate, and I hardly have time for my family. There's definitely room for improvement.

So that got me thinking. What do I want? I know the answer is different from when I was in high school or starting college, with big ideas (very skewed ideas) of how my life would go. 

Like the part about your metabolism going to hell along with your shoe size after pregnancy. None of the pregnancy books do it justice. And I don't mean weight - it's like my body looks at all the different chemical signals flying around and says, "Fuck it." Uh hello? How about some reparative work on my joints? Carrying a 10lb baby is no float in the birthing pool.

So, I'm overworked, running out of money, and practically dead spiritually and emotionally. I figured I'd let life take me to my poorly lubricated knees for a breather. Ouch!

And then I realized. When life takes you to your knees, it's what you do next that defines who you are.